he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
