In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
