Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize