Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
