you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
