I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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