yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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