I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
