I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
