if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You're like the curious george of whores
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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