Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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