The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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