Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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