i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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