Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
