im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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