She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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