All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
