I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
