I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize