Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
