Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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