Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
