I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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