some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
