U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
