I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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