my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
