remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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