After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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