oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
