There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
