took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
