I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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