making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
