even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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