a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it's like iHOP with fire
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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