Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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