but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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