yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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