I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
