as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
