I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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