god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
