i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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