it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
