if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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