He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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