sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
