Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
