its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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