Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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