i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
