I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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