Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize