every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
