My first STD was from a foam party
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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