so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
