Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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