dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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