I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
