in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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