we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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