I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
