Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
