When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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