Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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