Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
