OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
