I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
