My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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