whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
